I think I am awkward and unlikable. I no longer have the patience, nor the will to do small talks. Now when I meet people that I am interested in cultivating relationships with, I dive right in, asking questions about their passions, purpose, values and beliefs. That’s my way of testing their authenticity and their comfortability with vulnerability. If someone gets uncomfortable answering these kinds of questions, I know right away that he or she is not “my people”. Relationships are about growth and transcendence. I water your plant, you water mine. I enrich your life, you enrich mine. But how can we grow together if we can’t be authentic and vulnerable with each other?
I think I am awkward and unlikable. I say this humbly, but I no longer want to associate with people who are wearing masks. Cultivating relationships with them is simply offensive to my aura and hinders my growth. Don’t get me wrong. I was there too once. I spent many years of my life repressing my true self, keeping people in the living room of my life, fearing sharing too much too soon, fearing they would judge me if I let them into the dirty rooms of my life, fearing they would betray and abandon me.
Thankfully, I broke free from my past bondage. I did so by learning to be entirely comfortable with myself and owning everything that I am, including the good and the bad. I now have a set of values that I am consistent to, but I don’t have a road map, thus the journey is and will continue to be confusing, challenging, bumpy and messy at times. And that’s OK. I now understand and accept that I know very little, so I will often get things wrong. Yet I don’t have to hide my true self from others. I owe it to everyone around me and myself to be my most authentic self. I mean authenticity is soooooo refreshing. I no longer fear showing all of me, even the parts that are not so pretty. I no longer fear betrayal and abandonment.
I think I am awkward and unlikable. I am only interested in building genuine, meaningful and thriving relationships with warm souls who can openly and fearlessly talk about their scars, their fears, their passions, and all the other things they overcame on the journey that build their characters and shape them into who they are today. These are “my people”. Who are your people?